Posts Tagged With: friends

A post. A spark. A FRIEND. A Fragmented self.

You can spend the rest of your life with me... but I can't spend the rest of my life with you. Some things are worth getting your heart broken for, we just got to figure out what those things are.. . I'm going to miss you so much.

You can spend the rest of your life with me… but I can’t spend the rest of my life with you. Some things are worth getting your heart broken for, we just got to figure out what those things are.. I’m going to miss you so much.

Today is a dark day in my life. My dog, Ruby, a Shih-Tzu died in my hands. She was run over by some jack-wagon going over 80 miles an hour in a neighborhood. She was not on a leash, but she was so afraid of cars and car noises so she wouldn’t cross the street without me giving her permission. The car who hit her, was going over 80 miles per hour that even a person getting hit by the car would have been seriously injured if not dead. The car not only failed to stop after I yelled repeatedly at it SLOW DOWN, it kept going eastbound on 54th Avenue and State. I turn to the side of the road and I see Ruby rolling in discomfort and crying in Pain. She got hit.

I am not taking this well.

I’ve spent the last 108 weeks spoiling her. The dog was given to my mother, but most of all, it was my dog. I fed her, I gave her fresh water, I walked her around the block without a leash. She wouldn’t go in to people’s yards because I’d say “sidewalk” and she’d trot on the sidewalk. I’d say “Alley” and she knew I was taking her around half the block to the “alley” so I could throw out the Trash. We took extended walks in the late evening that my neighbors came to know who Ruby was and that she obeyed me. Many neighbors would even buy her dog treats so they could give her when I would bring her around. She was my motivation to go take walks after dinner. Ruby talked to me and I talked to Ruby. We understood each other. I’d ask her, “Do you want food,?” no reply. “Do you want me to take you outside?” I’d ask her, no reply. “Do you want water?” and she’d turn her head sideways. “Do you want me to cut some carrots for you?” She would bark. So I’d cut carrots in thin slices for her which I put in her food. Sometimes she’d just eat the carrots but not the food. I’d give her bits of lettuce but she’d spit it out. She liked also me cutting her thin apple slices. I would clean her eyes often, I’d personally groom her myself. She would bark at me, and if I had my feet down she would position herself and “bump me with her behind” to know she wanted to go outside.

All my neighbors got to know my dog. The children would run to her wanting to carry her when I took her out on walks in the late evening. She loved children a lot.  I’d be inside and yell to her “Outside..? and she would come racing to the door. At the dinner table she would position herself at everyone’s feet waiting for some heavenly treat to fall to her, and when nothing did, I’d share a carrot or a piece of sliced ham with her. Ruby was my shadow. She’d wait for me by the door, often my family goes on trips out of town and I’d choose not to go on those trips to spend time with her.

I am hurting right now. This is the price I am paying for over 2 years of unconditional love, companionship, and loyalty. Ruby loved me There were times when I’d feel something licking my feet in the middle of the night, only to find out she jumped over 30 inches on to my bed to wake me up to take her outside. As all my friends know, when we went out to eat, I often ordered something with fries, or something with meat (hot dog, sub, or burger) so I could have something to take home and share with Ruby. Ruby was the only thing I ever shared my fries with.

Today, this morning, I got out of bed, took her outside, then I went and lay on the sofa. She cuddled up and slept next to me on the Sofa . If my mom would have seen it, she would have killed me for allowing her to do so. All day she followed me around. Around 7:40pm, I turned on my radio and laid in bed. She jumped up and started bumping me. I knew she wanted to go outside and since it was cool enough, I agreed. I walked across the street as she followed me like a shadow. After briefly running in my sister’s yard, as she most liked to do, and roll in a patch of grass, I forgot I had left the water on at the tree. So I called to Ruby to come, Ruby was scared of water though. I looked both directions, no traffic, and sprinted across the street. Ruby was still rolling around in patch of grass and then noticed I was gone and started walking toward me from across the street. At the moment, the speeder went by.

Ruby and I, she was the most loyal thing to me in this world. It felt she loved me more then she loved herself.

Ruby and I, she was the most loyal thing to me in this world. It felt as if she loved me more then she loved herself.

This hurts so much..

Categories: Life Experience, Love | Tags: , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

LOVE YOURSELF and LOVE OTHERS!

fb

I am not surprised when I login to Facebook and I see an average of 5-30 people requesting me to be there friend on Facebook. I push myself to talk with 5 complete strangers in Public everyday.

This is an image of  something I see constantly see every time I log in to Facebook, I am happy but it was not always that way.

Some of the people who are reading this know my story of high school, how I got kicked out, how one teacher said I would never amount to anyhing, how I battled depression for over 5 years. While growing up, even past high school, I felt alone because I had high standards that I never compromised. I hated myself for a long time because I had a tough time making friends. It hurt when I felt I was in a lot of people’s corners but no one was in my own corner. There were people who did believe in me though, so I trudged on.

In college, things changed when people actually respected me for my values that I had. It still wasn’t easy. I worked hard and pushed myself so hard to learn how to really communicate with other people because I had no social skills whatsoever. I had to work at my personality, but I already knew who I was so it was not hard but I just needed to learn to refine my personality. Since then, I have had the opportunity to meet a lot of people from all walks of life. People interest me. I want to know what makes them happy, what makes them tick, what motivates them to get up every morning, or how is it came to be that we crossed paths.

Every day I try and have 5 interactions in public with complete strangers. Lots who want to keep in contact with me, so I am not surprised when I login to Facebook and I see an average of 5-30 people requesting me to be there friend. It is not so much talking with people, but listening to what they have to say. 80% of my interaction is body language and listening. LISTENING TO WHAT OTHERS HAVE TO SAY, LISTENING TO WHAT THEY WANT TO SHARE WITH ME IS REAL IMPORTANT TO ME. The other 20% is telling you the truth. Easier said than done. I’ve hurt people along the way, and I am sorry and I am trying to be a better person. Sometimes learning to accept defeat has allowed me to actually win in the long term.

As I myself have had demons I have faced, I am sure everyone out there has their own demons which they are fighting, whether it be at school, work, family trouble, or personal ones. Sometimes people feel that they have no one to turn too, or feel completely lost and need someone to loan them an ear. I am always open to talk to someone who needs that ear, I am also willing to get in your corner to cheer you on in your battle with your demon. I mean just imagine me in your corner shouting instructions on what to do or cheering you on “GO (insert you name here) GO! GO (insert your name here) GO!”

Even if you need me to remember you in my prayers for inspiration on a test, or that something in your life may go well, please let me know.

I may not know you all personally, but what I do know is that all of you are strong and wonderful individuals that all deserve happiness and respect, if you really want it, you will find it as I have.

LOVE YOURSELF, and LOVE OTHERS!

I am so grateful for so many of you who continue to push me to be a better person. I do pray for a lot of you, whether you know it or not.  Thank you!

Categories: Love, People | Tags: , , , , | Leave a comment

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